Compassion with Family History

By Kerry Griffin Smith

When a loved one dies, there are many funeral preparations and plans to be made—all while experiencing deep-seated grief. For some, the healing process starts with writing a loving obituary, preparing a beautiful service, contacting loved ones and friends, and meeting with the funeral home staff. The focus isn’t generally on updating family history information immediately. Yet, before my mother’s funeral last year, a stranger found her obituary online and entered her information as a deceased person on FamilySearch.

Imagine my shock when I quickly looked on the website for a date I needed and saw her record. I literally cried anew. The information I had prepared in advance and been saving in my own family tree, waiting to update her record when I had time, was now someone else’s handiwork. 

Something I was planning to do for her, a final act of service, had suddenly been taken away from me. I could correct and update her information, since errors had been introduced, but the original work would always be submitted by a stranger.

FamilySearch is a public website and anyone can add or make changes to information. Your loved one’s information is at risk for premature updates as well. Though the incident with my mother’s record may be uncommon, there are many occurrences when well-intended family history enthusiasts update a record for someone who has living relatives, family who would love to do the work instead.

Since one of the purposes of family history work is to provide us with opportunities to do saving ordinances and connect worldwide humanity, it would serve all of us well to extend consideration for one another’s feelings with appropriate timing.

Here are a few tips you might consider before contributing to family history work online for individuals who have or might have living relatives. These tips pertain to entering a record and do not correspond with doing temple work, for which you must be next of kin.

1. Are you the right person for the job? If you are, it’s still best to ask living family members for permission. Talk to them about what you’d like to do online. They may already have someone who would like to do the updates, or they may be thrilled to have your help. 

2. Do you have correct information? Correct information usually comes from close kin. Do you truly know marriage information, for instance? Someone sealed my aunt to her ex-husband and a child to them that was not theirs. As a niece, I recognized the error right away. It’s been partially resolved now, but the sealing will require an eternal solution. 

3. Is the timing right? Maybe wait a month or longer before asking permission to help with family history work. Entering a deceased person’s information has no deadline and consideration matters most. If the deceased person likely has no living relative who does family history work, it is still best to wait for a time, possibly a year. Search older obituaries if this is your method for helping to supply information online.

4. Can you share a memory? If you’re looking to contribute to someone’s tree, share photos or write favorite memories. Those are greatly appreciated, a wonderful tribute family will treasure.

Any family history work for individuals who still have living family members should be done with great care. “Turning of the hearts” as taught in Malachi 4:6 should include all hearts—compassion and consideration for those of us who would like to honor our deceased loved ones through the records that now represent them.

Kerry Griffin Smith was an editor and writer for the former Ensign Magazine. She enjoys teaching piano, reading, writing, and being with family and friends.