Finding Yourself through Your Ancestors

By Kerry Griffin Smith

My great-great-grandmother Julia was a force to be reckoned with. The day after giving birth to one of her 12 children, she caught and sheared, without electronic equipment, her small flock of sheep. 

Having been raised on a sheep farm myself, I can’t even imagine how she wrangled the animals and removed the wool with old hand shears. I especially can’t fathom doing the whole process so recently after giving birth, from home without an epidural. To say I admire Julia is an understatement.

In fact, some days, I think of her and other ancestors and feel concerned they may think I’m a modern-day whiner.

Then I give myself credit. Our modern world is tough too—just in different ways.

I recently underwent treatment at a facility, where the environment was incredibly tough for me. Sometimes the moments and hours creeped by. Days stretched long, and I counted the time when I’d be finished.

It was a dark time, mixed with light. My ancestors were part of that light.

My grandmother Vera, in particular, was a comfort to me. I never knew her, for she died when my mother was only three. Yet, I somehow felt her determination as I learned ways to cope with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). She had it too. 

She used to wash her unused china every month before storing it in the cabinet, until the next use or washing. While that’s not my form of OCD, I can understand why she struggled with the perfection, the impulse to worry about something that doesn’t matter.

And I could feel her gently helping me to understand that it’s ok to let go of some things. 

She was also an English teacher, writing and speaking in an educated manner. Perhaps one of her coping skills was writing too. I have a few of her essays and marvel at her perfect penmanship and well-organized thoughts. Her example and presence have been a tremendous comfort to me.

Acquainting Yourself with Family Stories

Your ancestors are waiting to comfort and lead you too. You just need to focus on them.

With family history, there’s a tendency to just gather information, providing names for temple baptisms and other saving ordinances. That’s certainly a key, main focus. 

Yet it’s also important to gather the stories, add the memories. Without those, the names remain names on paper—seemingly lifeless. We can give our ancestors life by learning about them and remembering the courageous things they did. 

Don’t know any stories? Start asking. Does anyone remember aunt so-and-so? What can they tell you? Or start with the living. 

During a recent outing with my dad, who is receiving hospice care, I took notes as he told story after story. Actually recording him would have squelched the opportunity, so I quietly took notes in the back seat of a vehicle, while my sister asked him questions. It was a special trip down Memory Lane for all of us.

Spend Time Together

There’s a tendency to converse occasionally long distance. That’s just how our world is now. Yet we should make every effort to converse face-to-face, whether that’s through technology or in person. 

Texts and emails will only work to a certain extent. In fact, much miscommunication can occur with their brevity. Instead, a back-and-forth conversation is needed for clarity and the best accounts.

Let family know they are important to you, that you’re interested in their stories. Most older people, especially, are so flattered that they’ll talk for hours about the past. My dad is not a talker, never has been. Yet at age 85 he has suddenly opened up to us. We recognize it’s an important opportunity to connect and that his stories contain the keys to our upbringing and why some things happened.

While every family situation is different, we can care about one another or find people who feel like family. Whatever your situation, take the time to connect. Record the stories, learn from them, and share them as appropriate to bless others’ lives. Their insight is sorely needed in our modern-day lives, and we can each gain miraculous insight into our own lives as we gain strength from our loved ones and ancestors who still love us dearly.

Kerry Griffin Smith is a writer and editor, most notably from the former Ensign magazine. She enjoys sharing clean reads, creating printables, and sharing book reviews on social media. You’re welcome to follow her on Facebook and Instagram.