Gaining an Understanding of Individual Divine Worth

By Anne Maxson

I have a neighbor who is a casting director. She has done casting for several faith-based films and TV shows. While visiting her home the other day, I noticed that in her office, she has a little quote on the shelf behind her computer that says, “Be You, Not Them.” I immediately loved that she had that so visible for anyone who may be meeting with her.

It made me imagine a new actor finally getting to meet with this awesome casting director. There would likely be a few nerves, and the new actor may feel that they need to fit some sort of mold in order to get the part. 

The new actor would click the “Join Meeting” button and then be greeted by my amazingly sweet neighbor. Possibly still feeling some nerves, they would spot the quote in the background and be reminded that they just need to be themselves and not try to fit some stereotypical expectations of what someone should be like who is applying for a particular part. 

I also thought about the many areas of life where this mantra could be helpful. In all of these situations, a reminder of “Be You, Not Them” can go a long way.

Family Life
As I write this, it was recently Mother’s Day. It can be a tricky day for a number of reasons. Oftentimes, we see and hear all about the things that “Them Moms” are doing and can wonder why we don’t do those things and how people would describe the skills we use in family life. That said, “Them Moms” don’t have our same family situation, and we have divine stewardship in our families for our specific skills and talents and to support the specific members of our families.

Social Circles
In recent years, I’ve attended a lot of business networking events with people who are extremely successful in ways that I am not. There are a lot of expectations regarding what one should look like, what vocabulary they use, how much confidence they should carry, etc. Remembering that my unique path that has led me to those events is what makes my story my own has helped me to find confidence in those settings.

Church Callings
Have you ever received a calling and considered how different you are from the person who had fulfilled that calling previously? From Cub Scouts to Relief Society to Sunday School, I have never been extended a calling and thought, “Well, I’m exactly like the last person to serve here so this will be an easy transition for everyone.” And that’s because I’m not exactly like anyone else. We are all called to serve not because of what we DO but because of who we ARE and who we can BECOME through that service. 

In “Portraits of Eve: God’s Promises of Personal Identity,” Patricia T. Holland said the following:

"Our Father in heaven needs us as we are, as we are growing to become. He has intentionally made us different from one another so that even with our imperfections we can fulfill his purposes. My greatest misery comes when I feel I have to fit what others are doing, or what I think others expect of me. I am most happy when I am comfortable being me and trying to do what my Father in Heaven and I expect me to be.

“For many years I tried to measure the oft times quiet, reflective, thoughtful Pat Holland against the robust, bubbly, talkative, and energetic Jeff Holland and others with like qualities. I have learned through several fatiguing failures that you can’t have joy in being bubbly if you are not a bubbly person…Somewhere, somehow the Lord ‘blipped the message onto my screen’ that my personality was created to fit precisely the mission and talents He gave me. … I have found that I have untold abundant sources of energy to be myself. But the moment I indulge in imitation of my neighbor, I feel fractured and fatigued and find myself forever swimming upstream. When we frustrate God’s plan for us, we deprive this world and God’s kingdom of our unique contributions.” (Patricia T. Holland, “Portraits of Eve: God’s Promises of Personal Identity,” in LDS Women’s Treasury: Insights and Inspirations for Today’s Woman (1997), 97–98.)

I think that maybe I love this quote so much because, like Sister Holland, I definitely prefer to be the quiet and reflective person. On one of the evenings when I was headed out the door to one of those intimidating networking events, I was so nervous that even my teenage son could sense it. He sweetly asked me about the event. After I told him about it and some of my feelings of inadequacy, he said, “Mom, you are a daughter of God. Just remember that when you feel nervous.” 

As we attend the House of the Lord, that sacred truth sinks a bit deeper into our hearts, and we are able to more powerfully carry it with us, along with the reminder to be ourselves because we are divine children of a Heavenly Father.