Recognizing What the Lord Had In Store for Me (20 Years Later)

By Anne Maxson

In the post I wrote last month, I shared a bit about my experience going to the Palmyra temple when I first joined the church. In June, I had the opportunity to visit the Palmyra church sites, and it brought back a flood of memories.

I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in 2002. A couple of weeks later, I was scheduled to start a new graduate program at the University of Rochester. My dad helped me haul all of my belongings from Minnesota to Upstate New York. I didn’t have an apartment lined up beforehand, but we were able to find one quickly after we arrived in town. 

A day or two later, we made our way to the airport so I could drop my dad off for his flight home. Driving to my apartment that day was the loneliest I have ever felt. I had moved mid-semester, so I wouldn’t officially be starting school for months, but would start working in a lab soon. I didn’t know anyone for hundreds of miles. And, along with that, no one knew me. I didn’t feel I had anyone that I could connect with to talk about these life-changing experiences of joining the church that I’d had over the last couple of weeks. 

I decided that I needed to think, and I knew I did that best near some open water. (Having grown up in Minnesota, time at the lake was always restorative for me.) This was before GPS, so I glanced at a little map I had and made a plan. I packed a sack lunch and made my way up to a park on Lake Ontario. As I was leaving, I glanced at the map posted at the park. I noticed that if I went straight south, I would head into Palmyra. I somehow hadn’t realized I was so close to the church history sites. 

I decided to make the Hill Cumorah my first stop. I hiked up the hill and took a seat on one of the benches. As I sat there, I had a distinct impression that the church was true, that I’d made the right choice by choosing to be baptized, and that heaven was rejoicing over me. As I went to the Sacred Grove that feeling intensified and I had a glimmer of a feeling to help me remember that even though I may feel like I didn’t know anyone in the area and no one knew me, the Lord knew me.

During my time in Rochester, I spent many hours at the Church History sites. Sometimes, I went there with a feeling of anguish. I had many family and friends who were upset with me for joining the church. Never before had I intentionally chosen to cause such disappointment for my family, and this only intensified when I decided to serve a mission. I knew that my decision to join the church and serve a mission was correct, but sometimes I wondered, “At what cost?” 

Visiting the church sites with my husband and kids this past June was a wonderful opportunity to reflect on the changes and blessings that have come into my life through my decision to join the church and serve a mission. The Lord knew what would come of those decisions and knew that the cost was worth it. 

During my visit, I wished that I could go back in time to tell my 20-something recent convert self what would become of those choices and show her what has become of my life since then. But then I realized that if I did that, my past self wouldn’t have had to walk by faith in those pivotal years and decisions. It was important not to know that “Yes, it is worth the cost.”

I gained a greater understanding of the faith required in the face of uncertainty, as well as the comfort received while revisiting those significant moments and decisions in our lives. Taking time to reflect on how far we’ve come can help us gain an eternal perspective and see the larger plan.